The Motion Picture Sountrack

In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “Cue the Violins.”

If your life were a movie, what would its soundtrack be like? What songs, instrumental pieces, and other sound effects would be featured on the official soundtrack album?

Oh, Daily Post. You have combined two of the Lazy Writer’s™ favorite procrastinations: making lists and listening to music. Peanut butter and chocolate to this girl.

One Elle Alison: The Motion Picture Soundtrack
Critics and fans alike both agree that the listings make no sense, but it sure is fun to listen to.

1. I have to get up and do things like a person, and I’m too cool for “Eye of the Tiger”

2. I’m spending way too much time nitpicking over this work project and haven’t started the other one

3. Where is my phone? [Roomie], call my phone

4. I’m reading 524 books at once I started this one 3½ years ago

5. Stand back I’m going to try yoga/swing dancing/fencing/exercising

6. Can’t go to sleep yet, it’s only 3:27 AM, something might happen on the internet

7. 24-hour dog person

8. Forgot to make lunch and don’t have enough $ or time to buy something

9. I’m going to WRITE

10. I spent all my writing time playing spider solitaire and then looking up photos of all the actors in Captain America: The Winter Soldier

11. I will never finish a novel and I will die alone

12. I’m going to pretend I know something about lady makeup nobody interrupt the delusion

13. Break for SCIENCE FICTION in any medium ❤

14. I do occasionally visit with the parentals and younger but no longer little brother

15. Ooh, shiny!

16. LE WEEKEND HAS ARRIVED
http://youtu.be/TG9-j3eevL4

I [Bring] the Cheese; It Does Not [Bring] Me

Due to a mild casein allergy I sometimes stay away from dairy, and honestly don’t find it too hard to do so. Unsweetened vanilla almond milk? Delicious. Soy ice cream? Satisfies my craving pretty well. But there is one food above all others that can never be replaced and that is CHEESE. There is no vegan substitute that comes close.

Now I don’t get very creative with cheese, I stick to my shredded swiss or cheddar blends to put in my scrambled eggs or salads. Mozzarella is king of the cheeses and I save it for the occasional caprese salad and pizza. I don’t usually bother with the expensive artisanal stuff – until now.

Guaranteed to give your breath the power to repel vampires and humans alike.
Guaranteed to give your breath the power to repel vampires and humans alike.

Yes ladies and gentlemen and those who have yet to decide – that is VAMPIRE SLAYER cheese, a potent piece of garlic-y cheese I found at my local Whole Foods while searching for pork-free pate. And I needed cheese anyway, so…

What makes this especially awesome is that cheese is a small but genuine part of the Buffy the Vampire Slayer universe, thanks to the Cheese Man. If you had to pick a piece of food to represent the TV show, cheese would be it. And that got me thinking, if all the vampire franchises got together for a party, what would the food list look like?

Buffy the Vampire Slayer – said Garlic Cheese. With some Weetabix crackers.

True Blood – the Tru Blood drink. The notorious Japanese invention of the books and later the show, the Tru Blood beverage is what prompts the unveiling of the secret supernatural underworld to the entire rest of the world.

Comes in flavors A, B, AB, and O. Click for source.
Comes in flavors A, B, AB, and O. Click for source.

Interview with the Vampire – the novel and movie that first tied vampires with New Orleans. Apparently there’s a type of Cajun blood sausage called Boudin that can’t be officially sold since it contains actual animal blood and you have to find a chef on the side or something and ask for it. I don’t know if I’d want to eat something occasionally called The Forbidden Sausage… for many reasons… but there you go. Maybe this franchise will bring some good wine to make up for it.

... yum? I guess you have to be a sausage fan already. Click for source.
… yum? I guess you have to be a sausage fan already. Click for source.

Dracula – it always surprises me when I remember that Bram Stoker published his book in 1897. Due to its presence in and influence on popular culture it just seems centuries older. There are a lot of references to food in this book; “I dined on what they called “robber steak”–bits of bacon, onion, and beef, seasoned with red pepper, and strung on sticks, and roasted over the fire, in the simple style of the London cat’s meat!” So basically spicy kebab!

Am I the only one who delights in eating these like corn on the cob? Click for source.
Am I the only one who delights in eating these like corn on the cob? Click for source.

Count von Count – Alphabet soup’s lesser known edible cousin, number soup!

0, 1, 1, 2, 3, ah ah ah. Click for source.
0, 1, 1, 2, 3, ah ah ah. Click for source.

Vampire Diaries – a few years ago the CW (then still known as WB I think) passed on picking up a reboot of the show Barnabas because they, launcher of the original Buffy show, didn’t want to get pigeonholed as “the teen vampire channel.” Ha ha ha. In the spirit of the famous fruit posters a couple seasons ago, I say they’d bring red glazed tarts – apple, pomegranate, peach, and pear filled.

This just looks delicious. Click for source.
This just looks delicious. Click for source.

Blade – vampires in this universe can actually eat regular food, it just doesn’t provide any nutritional value. This franchise would be that person who brings a boring veggie platter.

It will not look as cool as this one, it'll be some store-bought one. Click for source.
It will not look as cool as this one, it’ll be some store-bought one. Click for source.

Twilight – Red Velvet Cake with edible glitter. What else?

As long as it's in the food and not part of the decoration, I'm good with glitter. Click for source.
As long as it’s in the food and not part of the decoration, I’m good with glitter. Click for source.